Tuesday, October 11, 2022

Feeling moody again

Do you ever feel you have this imposter syndrome?

I sometimes feel this way, especially now. I was sitting in a meeting today, thinking okay what am I doing here in this meeting discussing about these work stuff? Suddenly I feel like a bit lost and don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if I'm worth the amount of money in my role (and that makes me feel lousy about myself).

I'm going though this 3 days Manager's training and I'm feeling like oh no what have I signed up myself for..I'm soo out of it..the other people on the call seem so experienced at being managers and I'm like being a manager for the first time so totally clueless. 

When I had to lead the conversation during the discussion, it was difficult for me as I'm used to being a follower and having to facilitate the conversation with the other managers made me feel a little intimidated sigh. I wish I was more self confident and not so worried about what people think of me.

At work as well, sometimes I feel abit lost and not sure what I should be doing next. I feel like I'm not a good leader at all and wonder what my colleaue thinks of me. She is probably thinking omg why is Joyce my manager and she probably wishes she was still reporting into our previous boss😂 I feel insecure about my work abilities and I think I miss my manager being able to guide me on what I should do next at work. Doesn't help that now I'm feeling sick and coughing, feeling unwell generally sigh...

I really need to focus more on what I can do and should do. God please give me strength and be with me, I need your help..

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