Sometimes i just can't but help question why God allow certain things to happen. I know all things happen for a reason, good and bad and He wants us to learn lessons from it i guess..but its really not easy.

Dad has been difficult to handle and everytime i visit him, he's just not happy. He keeps saying he doesnt want to live anymore and ask God to let him die..He says he doesnt know why he got this illness. i can't blame him for saying that. I'd probably say the same thing if I were in the same predicament. He does not remember what he does or things that happen just recently, he keeps giving the staff problems and is not conscious of his own body, behavior or actions. He just keeps saying he's hungry and wants to eat more, wants to drink coffee, wants to go out etc even though we bought alot of food, let him drink 3 cans of coffee, brought him outside to walk.. Or he'll say he's feeling itchy and scratch himself all over...I know it must be really awful for my dad to not be able to move his hand and leg and I try to help him in whatever way i can but sometimes i just feel so tired..No matter what I do, he's just not happy. I really dont know what more I can do to help make his life happier...I wonder, have i really done all i can? could i have done more? I really dont know..On some days, i really dread going to visit him just because its so physically and mentally exhausting..but i start feeling guilty when i think he's all alone so i end up going even though i really dont feel like going through the motions.. I knoiw its an awful thought but sometimes i really wonder why God doesnt end his pain and suffering..I guess I must admit at times like these, I can't help but ask God, why?

God, i really dont know why but i'll leave it all to you. You decide what's best for everybody. And God, one more thing. The weather has been really really hot.. Can you please let it rain?